We're Back! Renewed and Refreshed

So we recently moved…again. Ha. It was the 4^th time moving in our 5 year marriage. And this time with 2 kids. But honestly, this time was so much different. Every move up to this one was all about bigger and better. I thought that we needed all this room and stuff to make a rental feel like a home. 2 years ago, I was set on buying a house and tried to convince my husband too, but God changed my heart instead and we continued to rent. We thought that we could do it all. Rent a 3 bedroom, plus save for a house, not live on a budget…all on one income. God has a funny way of bringing us back to reality though.

I’ve learned through all my experiences that God does really use all our decisions for good and to His glory…if we let him. It was shortly after our son was born that God was putting this vision on mine and my husband’s heart. We felt like God was calling us to downsize. We looked around our house and realized we had way too much stuff and room and maybe it was time for us to take a step back and simplify so that we can see God’s desire for our life a little clearer. Writing that sentence today seems nice and easy. Like it all makes sense and would work out perfectly. But honestly, those decisions for us lead us down a road that we were not prepared for. We felt like we were opening flood gates to things that we didn’t even know were flood gates. Life was weighing down on us and we knew that either we were making a horrible mistake or that we were making the right one and the enemy was throwing everything at us to make us stop.  

God has a funny way of bringing us back to reality though.

But after all of that, here I am currently sitting our new place. We moved from a 3 bedroom, 2 level, 2 car garage townhome to a 2 bedroom apartment with shared laundry, outdoor parking (though we found out we get a garage in about a month!! Praise God!), but what is so interesting about this place is that it has felt like home SO much faster than any place that Matt and I have lived. Everything feels so right and every morning we wake up so happy with these decisions we made. I believe that it is because what God has for us here and what He will teach us and where He is bringing us. What dreams He will unfold here for us, and what opportunities will be had here.

I had to take a break from blogging because God wanted to change something in me. He wanted me to focus on the dreams and visions that He has given for my life and the lives of my family. I had to die to myself so that I could live freely in the life that God has given me. I am a work in progress and honestly, I will always be a work in progress as long as I am here on earth. 

That I could live freely in the life that God has given me

We live our life with more purpose and intention these days. When we moved we got rid of a lot of stuff and even after we moved in we got rid of even more. I don’t want to have stuff or do stuff just to have it or do it. Everything has an intentional purpose. Maybe I’m doing that because I realized that God has an intentional purpose for my life, my husband’s life and the lives of my 2 kids. God has an intentional purpose for your life too. Cling to Jesus and He will reveal himself to you. My journey isn’t about what I can do, but what God can do through me. I have this new found confidence that isn’t based on my skills or abilities, but it is based on the One who is IN me and His might and power.

It has been a long and tough road for awhile and honestly, I don’t think that the road will get any less tough, but I have set my eyes on the One who has brought me to this place. The One who is greater than the one in the world. The One who has already won the battle. The One who loves and cares for me so deeply and is walking along right beside me. To the One who CHOSE to die for me and allow me the opportunity to live with Him forever in Heaven. That is what I focus on these days. 

To the One who CHOSE to die for me and allow me the opportunity to live with Him forever in Heaven.

It is hard most days especially because a lot of decisions that I make go against mainstream thought, but I would rather look foolish in the eyes of the world than look foolish in the eyes of the Lord.

I think the best part of this story is that it isn’t over, in fact, it is just beginning. God has opened up doors that I have been praying about for almost 10 years, but the good news, man is it totally worth the wait. But that is a story for another day and another blog. For now, I will leave you with this. Your life has great intention and purpose around it. Do not give up on the dreams that God has placed on your heart. And SEEK Him, daily, in all circumstances. CHOOSE Him over anything the world offers, because what He offers will ALWAYS be far greater!

Cling to Jesus and He will reveal himself to you HHis fhjkla;

God is good and He is capable of making the impossible...possible!

Praise Jesus!! Today is a great day! Why you may ask? Because my toddler is at a friend’s house and I only have to worry about myself and my 3 week old-who is currently sleeping by himself. That’s right; we welcomed our second child, a son named Theo, 3 weeks ago. I truly love being a mom and becoming a mom of 2 has been a total blessing, but just like when I first became a mom, this time around has continued to teach me more about myself.

I recently realized something-I like things to make sense. When I am faced with different circumstances, I want everything to fit together and make sense. I like to have the answers to problems and for problems to be resolved in a clear, concise way. The problem with this is that there are a lot of circumstances that don’t make sense, that don’t have quick, clear answers. God has been really working on this with me. He has placed circumstances in my life recently that don’t seem to make perfect sense and one of those things was having a little baby boy.

Let me explain…I had convinced myself, with some pretty sound logic that I was not able to give birth to a son. We have had 2 miscarriages and with our last one, I ended up having to have a procedure where they had to go in and remove the unviable pregnancy. After the procedure, my doctor told me that I had a little dip in my uterus that may or may not have been a reason for my miscarriages, but it wasn’t anything significant so there wasn’t anything that needed to be done.  I took that information along with a study that I had read about the placement of the placenta and gender of your baby and convinced myself that I was not created to bare sons and that my two angels in heaven were the only boys that I was going to have and that I was made to raise a family of girls.  I even had all the names picked out from a verse in Isaiah that named 3 different trees, one being Olive, and that I was going to name all my girls tree names and live by this verse of God planting these trees in the barren desert (Isaiah 41:19-20). Doesn’t that vision for my life sound like it could be from God? I mean it sounded so good to me. I had come to terms with the fact that I was only going to have girls and I was excited to raise up women of God. But I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t mourn the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to raise up a man of God, that my husband wasn’t going to be able to play sports and model Godly behavior to his son. But I was okay with that, because if it was from God then I knew it was going to be good.

Well God shattered all my expectations I had on my life once my husband announced ‘It’s a BOY’ as the doctor laid my beautiful, perfect son on my chest. I stared at him with disbelief that I had a son, but I was so incredibly happy in that moment. Because in that moment, God whispered into my heart-‘I have something far better than you can plan and imagine for your life and family. Trust me.’ God took what seemed like an impossible thing in my eyes and made it possible-God gave me a son, a truly perfect son. I don’t want to plan out my future if the future I plan is not from God. I want to walk through the valleys to find the true plan God has for me. I don’t want to come up with what seems like this great, godly plan and slap scripture onto if it isn’t from God. I don’t want to manipulate the truth in order to make my life make sense and have order. I want the life GOD has for me and if that means that I have to live in what may seem like chaos and disorder, then I’ll take it. Because our God can do far more than we could ask or imagine and His ways are always good.

It’s funny because I have been trying to write this post for a week or so now, and if I had written this post even last week, it would have had a much different tone. Because the truth is, even though I know that this is all a part of God’s perfect plan, it doesn’t make it easy. In the 3 weeks since having Theo, I have had my fair share of ups and downs. He is a great baby, eats well, sleeps alright, isn’t too fussy, but I’ve had my own difficulties-choosing to bottle feed over breast feed, many sleepless nights, feeling distant from my husband, dealing with an active toddler and newborn…I could keep going, but I don’t think you are here to read about all that. But what God has shown me is that when we are walking in His life for us, He will meet us there. He will walk along side us helping us, encouraging us, loving us.

God has taught me that my expectation for my life should revolve around who God is. God is loving, He is good, He is just, He is caring, He is faithful, He is constant…that is what I can expect from my life. I do not know what tomorrow brings, but when my trust is in God, then I know I will be okay no matter I face. God wants to surprise us with what He has planned for us. He wants us to be in awe of His goodness and grace and what a beautiful place that is to be-in awe of our Father.

Theo means ‘gift from God’ and ‘goodness’ and that is exactly why we named our precious son that name. He truly is a gift from God and will always remind us of God’s goodness in our life. I don’t know what you have going on in your life, but I do know that God wants to shatter your expectations on what your life will be and shine His goodness and amazing power over you. Allow God into your life and see what He can do. He will make the impossible seem possible and make all things work out to good for those who love him. Allow His goodness to reign over you and fill your life.  I pray that every time you come across of picture or story of my little Theo, that you are reminded that God is good and that He is capable of making the impossible, possible.