Praise Jesus!! Today is a great day! Why you may ask? Because
my toddler is at a friend’s house and I only have to worry about myself and my
3 week old-who is currently sleeping by himself. That’s right; we welcomed our
second child, a son named Theo, 3 weeks ago. I truly love being a mom and
becoming a mom of 2 has been a total blessing, but just like when I first
became a mom, this time around has continued to teach me more about myself.
I recently realized something-I like things to make sense.
When I am faced with different circumstances, I want everything to fit together
and make sense. I like to have the answers to problems and for problems to be
resolved in a clear, concise way. The problem with this is that there are a lot
of circumstances that don’t make sense, that don’t have quick, clear answers. God
has been really working on this with me. He has placed circumstances in my life
recently that don’t seem to make perfect sense and one of those things was
having a little baby boy.
Let me explain…I had convinced myself, with some pretty
sound logic that I was not able to give birth to a son. We have had 2
miscarriages and with our last one, I ended up having to have a procedure where
they had to go in and remove the unviable pregnancy. After the procedure, my
doctor told me that I had a little dip in my uterus that may or may not have
been a reason for my miscarriages, but it wasn’t anything significant so there
wasn’t anything that needed to be done. I
took that information along with a study that I had read about the placement of
the placenta and gender of your baby and convinced myself that I was not
created to bare sons and that my two angels in heaven were the only boys that I
was going to have and that I was made to raise a family of girls. I even had all the names picked out from a
verse in Isaiah that named 3 different trees, one being Olive, and that I was
going to name all my girls tree names and live by this verse of God planting
these trees in the barren desert (Isaiah 41:19-20). Doesn’t that vision for my
life sound like it could be from God? I mean it sounded so good to me. I had
come to terms with the fact that I was only going to have girls and I was
excited to raise up women of God. But I would be lying if I told you that I
didn’t mourn the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to raise up a man of God,
that my husband wasn’t going to be able to play sports and model Godly behavior
to his son. But I was okay with that, because if it was from God then I knew it
was going to be good.
Well God shattered all my expectations I had on my life once
my husband announced ‘It’s a BOY’ as the doctor laid my beautiful, perfect son
on my chest. I stared at him with disbelief that I had a son, but I was so
incredibly happy in that moment. Because in that moment, God whispered into my
heart-‘I have something far better than you can plan and imagine for your life
and family. Trust me.’ God took what seemed like an impossible thing in my eyes
and made it possible-God gave me a son, a truly perfect son. I don’t want to
plan out my future if the future I plan is not from God. I want to walk through
the valleys to find the true plan God has for me. I don’t want to come up with
what seems like this great, godly plan and slap scripture onto if it isn’t from
God. I don’t want to manipulate the truth in order to make my life make sense
and have order. I want the life GOD has for me and if that means that I have to
live in what may seem like chaos and disorder, then I’ll take it. Because our
God can do far more than we could ask or imagine and His ways are always good.
It’s funny because I have been trying to write this post for
a week or so now, and if I had written this post even last week, it would have
had a much different tone. Because the truth is, even though I know that this
is all a part of God’s perfect plan, it doesn’t make it easy. In the 3 weeks
since having Theo, I have had my fair share of ups and downs. He is a great
baby, eats well, sleeps alright, isn’t too fussy, but I’ve had my own
difficulties-choosing to bottle feed over breast feed, many sleepless nights, feeling
distant from my husband, dealing with an active toddler and newborn…I could
keep going, but I don’t think you are here to read about all that. But what God
has shown me is that when we are walking in His life for us, He will meet us
there. He will walk along side us helping us, encouraging us, loving us.
God has taught me that my expectation for my life should
revolve around who God is. God is loving, He is good, He is just, He is caring,
He is faithful, He is constant…that is what I can expect from my life. I do not
know what tomorrow brings, but when my trust is in God, then I know I will be
okay no matter I face. God wants to surprise us with what He has planned for
us. He wants us to be in awe of His goodness and grace and what a beautiful
place that is to be-in awe of our Father.
Theo means ‘gift from God’ and ‘goodness’ and that is
exactly why we named our precious son that name. He truly is a gift from God
and will always remind us of God’s goodness in our life. I don’t know what you have
going on in your life, but I do know that God wants to shatter your expectations
on what your life will be and shine His goodness and amazing power over you.
Allow God into your life and see what He can do. He will make the impossible
seem possible and make all things work out to good for those who love him.
Allow His goodness to reign over you and fill your life. I pray that every time you come across of
picture or story of my little Theo, that you are reminded that God is good and
that He is capable of making the impossible, possible.
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